Skeletons

This is what I feel like after my double IPT.

Possibly an overexaggeration.

I don't remember being a horse before Aidan ripped apart my soul.

Huh. That's weird.

Well yeh, it was quite a horrible lesson, I must say. Actually it was more like a very bad day. Or even a really bad, scarily realistic nightmare.

Yeh well Aidan decided to (and it's really hard to even type this without remembering what happened and cringe) show me some photos of the saddest kind, and made me cry.

It was not good.

I was kind of surprised at my reaction to seeing them, I'm not really sure what it would have looked like from an outsider's perspective, but I'm sure Aidan will tell me after I post this blog. All I know is that something inside me snapped, and I had a massive surge of sheer grief mixed with actual, physical pain and anger.

After screaming at Aidan whilst pressing my hands over my eyes so hard that its a wonder I was able to see again, I started to cry.

As if the day wasn't shithouse enough, I was crying.

I'll be honest, I destest crying. That may sound very, very stupid as I'm sure there isn't a soul out there who actually enjoys it, but I'm usually the one to internalise things and suppress my feelings long enough to spontaniously combust late at night when I'm alone. I'm sure I've developed this from years of being the big sister, having to put on a brave face while I pick up the peices of my broken family that my almost constantly-bickering parental-like hurricane leave behind.

Maybe it was just a really touchy issue, which it is, and I can't type much longer about it because I have a feeling I will cry again, that's right, I've now developed an extremely accurate intuition which tells me if I'm going to cry anytime in the near future. Quite handy actually because it gives me time to run to the nearest dark corner or toilet cubicle before I let loose. I guess its one of those things you pick up when you have a disastrously unhappy life.

That's really quite sad.

Anyway, the day was altogether a complete waste of energy.

uhh.. that is all.